I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
