My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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