All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You smell like a Billy Joel song
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
