hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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