Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
