what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
