So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
