Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Randomize
