I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
