I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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