a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
