if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
