You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
