a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
The adults are the big ones right?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
