I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
