I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
