Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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