that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
