I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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