I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I should be sponsored by Trojan
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
