dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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