i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
