yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
