Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
tell me about the eggs
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
