I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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