she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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