Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
