I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
