rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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