hotel room ftw
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
