sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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