The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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