there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
