Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
