dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
