I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
