I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
