you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
