The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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