does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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