Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
