I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
