True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
