At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
