why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
