idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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