i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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