I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
