Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
