i just google imaged poop.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
