Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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