Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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